Sunday, July 3, 2016

Anger

I know people mean well when they try to give me advice and tips on how to get better but it is exhausting and often invalidating. You need to sit down with me and have a long, long discussion of my history, my pain, my symptoms, and me in general before you are even slightly equipped to help me. I do not need your advice on the ways "you got better", because frankly the suggestions are often invalidating of my experience, and when given make it obvious that you do not comprehend the gravity of the situation I am in. Also, I am one of the most self observant, self advocating, and self aware people out there. I have been told that time and time again by people I know and professionals. So if I ask for advice, please load me up. If I do not, stop trying to fix me. Stop telling me what I need to do/not do, and "what worked for you". I work fucking hard daily to just survive and manage my symptoms. At this time in my life I just need you to be with me, and sit with me, and refrain from telling me what to do or how to fix my situation. You are not equipped or trained on how to help me. Many people with degrees do not fully comprehend what I am going through because of my unique situation. So please take a seat. Listen, be with me, and validate what I am feeling/thinking. Stop trying to fix me and my situation. 

Also I am not equipped or healthy enough to hear the details of your abuse. I have had a couple people, unsolicited, tell me all the details in a message and I cannot handle that. If I ask what specifically happened to you in detail, please do tell. I appreciate those who have reached out and just said something like, "I have also been sexually abused". That is fine. But details, and unloading on me is not okay. It is triggering as fuck, and makes me feel out of control, and that I somehow need to fix you. It is not good for me or you, and not appropriate. I know people generally mean well when they do that, but that is what a therapist is for, or a good friend. Not me. 

I am currently very angry right now. About my situation in life and everything that has happened to me. If that makes you uncomfortable, then it is best you steer clear of me. It is a phase and it is very VERY appropriate given my situation, and VERY healthy I am feeling this way and processing it. So sit with me and love me, or come back later.

Thanks for reading.


Maquel