(I thought this was pretty-Source)
I was at the doctor's earlier this week refilling my prescription and asked the dreaded question of whether I can be on my medications while pregnant. The Celexia I can but the Trazadone I cannot. This scares the crap out of me. It has taken me about a year to finally get the right concoction of the Trazadone. I recently upped it about a month ago and it was the final piece to the puzzle. Now when I get pregnant I have to switch to something else, which blows and it very frightening. What if I completely relapse and get really sick? What if I can't find a medication that will work instead?
It is just so frustrating after all the waiting and trying and finally getting it all figured out I get to mess with it again and possibly get super sick. THIS BLOWS. All I have to say is I will be super pissed if I get super sick when I get pregnant. I am expecting some problems because pregnancy is an emotional roller coaster by itself. I told Nate that I will be really angry with God if I get super sick. Why? Well getting mentally sick sucks and is enough to get annoyed from. But I have been working my tail off to; eat well, work out often, get enough sleep, go to counseling, take medications and the like. I have been doing all I can to be healthy and if getting pregnant/having a kid, something I have always wanted and know Heavenly Father wants for me, makes me very ill I will be furious and heartbroken.
I know the time is coming soon when it will be go time, and frankly I'm scared out of my mind. Although a part of me is calm as a cucumber and knows it will be okay. I just want to know it will all work out and really believe it. I want to be able to have children without any major setbacks. I want to be able to handle motherhood well despite my disorders. They are all good desires, I just hope they are fulfilled.
One reassurance is when I was talking to Nate about it all I asked him what we would do if I had a really bad pregnancy and couldn't have anymore kids. He said "well there is always other option like adoption". It was nice to know that although he would like to have our own children, he would be fine with other Adopting and the like.
I don't know what I would do without that boy. Fact.