Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Finding my mom in letters.

     I am currently staying with my parents in Oregon for a week and having a great  time. I am sleeping in my old bedroom and today I ran across a binder of letters my mother wrote my brothers while they were on missions for our church. At first I was skimming through looking for information on what was going on at that time in my life but I found so much more. In them I found my mom, the woman I remember. I honestly have started to forget what my mother was like, not fully but the current situation overwhelms any old memories of who she was most of the time. It takes effort to remember her and what she was like. Also I think a lot of the time I don't want to remember because frankly it is depressing and sad to realize she is now a shell of who she use to be. As I read them I remembered her and what she was like. It was bittersweet and I so thankful I have found a way to recall those memories and read her words. It made me weep and long for the mother I once had. She was one of the finest people you would ever meet. Her love for the gospel and her children and husband was undeniable. I remember her constantly involved in the church and finding ways to help those in need. She had one of the biggest hearts and was always praying for our family and others. I remember going to her when I was having a hard time and asking her to pray for me. I knew without a doubt that her prayers were heard by Heavenly Father and that things would come of it because of her faith. I never doubted the power of her prayers and would walk in on her kneeling at her bedside pouring out her heart to the Lord. It was a very common occurance and at the time I didn't realize the gravity and impact of what was happening.

      I also remember how my parents loved and adored each other. They were always holding hands, laughing together, giving sweet little kisses and loving being together. I remember the light in my mom, the spark, the drive, her. My parents are still in love today and affectionate but it is different due to the disease. My fathers love for my mother is evident everyday. He is so gentle with her and patient and it is sweet to watch. The other day I showed him how to straighten my mom's hair, he will do anything for that woman. He doesn't complain and does whatever he can to help her. They are a testament to me that love still exists and can make it through anything with effort. I miss my mother more than anything but I know I will have her again in the next life. I can't imagine what it would be like to believe that this life is it. I know for myself that it isn't and am beyond grateful for that. My dad will be able to get his wife back and us kids our mother. I can't wait for that day We love her now, always have, always will.