Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Update on mom.

It is starting to become difficult to talk to my mom on the phone. I don't call her near as much as I should but when I do she can't seem to remember how to hold it and talk into it. It is amazing the things we take for granted. My dad also said she can no longer shower herself so once a week he gets in there with her and helps her (fortunately she is not a smelly person and can go a week without a shower). She can no longer get dressed by herself either. He says she is still very happy and upbeat despite it all which is all we can really ask for. I can't imagine what it would be like if she was constantly depressed and down because of all the things she can no longer do.

I recently went and visited my sister in Utah. It was a good visit despite getting sick with the flu which her family so lovingly shared with me:D We talked about mom some and I mentioned how she is different than the mom we know. She flat out said how she is not the mom we knew. She is right and it sucks to say it/think it. Mourning someone who is still physically there is a slow torture at times. You want to mourn what you have lost but you can't fully because they are still physically there. I am no way saying I wish she was dead or anything just talking about how the situation is very difficult. My mom is gone. I think that is why it is so hard to talk to her because all I notice is what is not there instead of the person she is right now. It's like getting to know someone new and wanting the previous person back more than anything. Ugh it's so confusing. I'm done thinking for now.