Saturday, June 19, 2010

Less than one week.

So after going through an almost two month long process work has finally approved the week they originally denied me. Work has turned out to be absolutely ridiculous when it comes to getting time off. Not just for me but for everyone. I will not bore you with the tedious and long process I went through.

So a week from today me and Nate will be off to go to Colorado. Most likely for just a day then Utah to see my family! I get to see my mom, dad, Jenni, Justin, Alice and hopefully Chris and Chad. I am beyond excited!

One thing that I have noticed is that I have a hard time being around my mom by myself. I'm not sure if it is just me or if others in my family have the same problem. It's mainly that I don't know what to say. She does not remember some things so I do not want to bring up something that she does not remember. I don't like reminding her of what is going wrong with her brain, if that makes sense. Also I think I do not like to be reminded of what is going on too. So I avoid talking to her to a certain extent. This is something I need to work through and fix.

It feels as though my mom has been partially taken away from me. I no longer cry about it and I haven't for a while but I still have not come to terms fully with it all. I may never since it is my mom and it will slowly get worse.

Yet still…

I do know it is happening for a reason. We are all supposed to learn something from this. That she is the same sweet spirit she just cannot shine through as much because her body is broken. I know that in the next life she will be the mom I remember and miss yet even more beautiful. I look forward to that day and know that this time on earth is a time of trial and testing. It is also a time of joy if we search for it and let it become apart of our lives.

I love my mom so much and am so thankful for her and my amazing family. I know one of the reasons that this is happening is so that my family can grow even closer. I am thankful for that. I am thankful for this trial.