Monday, November 22, 2010

Dear Evil Postman (or woman),

We really appreciated how you set our package on our front porch while it was raining. That was the greatest thing ever to come home to, let me tell you. It was FANTASTIC. I hope we are the only people you delivered a package too so poorly. Fortunately for us and your life’s sake it was very well packaged. (Thank you Emily Bass for packaging that camera so well, it could have been submerged underwater and still come out dry. You rock my world.) If I see you in person sometime I will most certainly request you set our future packages in our screen door. Or at least somewhere on the porch that is covered from the rain. I’m sorry you do not have the common sense to do that on your own. Sad.
Despite your best efforts our camera is alive and well, thank goodness.


Can I just say how happy I am our camera was found!? We have not downloaded any of our pictures off of it since we bought it which was a year or two ago. So we are very happy Emily found it. Once we officially buy “our new” computer from our friends and clean it up I will download all the pictures and post them on Facebook. I’m excited.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Why?


Why? That is the question we learn to ask at a young age and never really stop asking. Why is the sky blue? Why does it rain? Why can’t I have another cookie? Although at a young age the questions are usually very trivial and are generally asked to gain a basic knowledge of things.

As we get older why becomes more of a “why must that happen?”, instead of a plain and simple, “why does?” Why did my car have to die on me? Why did I have to lose my job? It goes on to even bigger questions, questions of the “unknown”. One in particular that I hear now and again or even feel and or ask myself is; “Why do good things happen to good people?” Or, “Why a loving God would let that happen?”

That is the one I want to talk about, “Why a loving God would let that happen?” It is because he loves us and those around us. He knows that by going through hard things in our lives we are given the option to either harder our hearts and become bitter or to let them stay soft and tender so that others can be let in and helped. We learn from heart ache and from trials. If you do not feel pain, sorrow, and sadness how can you know what true happiness, and joy feels like? You need both to truly feel and understand the other. I see trials and “bad things” that happen in my life as a blessing. Trials to me although not fun, easy, and often heartbreaking are what makes life worth living in a way. Because of those I know what true happiness is. The ying and the yang, one cannot exist without the other. Otherwise we would be unemotional to everything because we would not know the difference. Even numb in a way.

I look back on my life and at my current situation and it was and never has been “simple and easy”. I have been through many hard and trying things just like everyone else in this world has. One recently has been the diagnosis of my mother with Early Onset Alzheimer’s. My mother was diagnosed with it at the age of 53, April of 2009. She had been having symptoms of “memory loss” since 2006. Due to a medication she was one and her being at the age for menopause it took a while to figure out what was really going on.

I remember the day I got the call from my dad. Nate and I were test driving a car that we were looking to buy. My life changed that day and it was for the better. Yes I wish my mother did not have that horrible disease. Yes I wish I could carry on a full conversation about what she did today or the day before. Yes I sometimes just break down crying out for my mom because the mother I grew up with loved and adored is dead in a way. Yes I would NEVER ever wish this horrible disease on my worst enemy or on anyone they knew. Yes I wish my mom wasn’t often confused about the simplest things and that she could remember day to day things which we all take for granted. Yes I wish my future children could meet the mother I grew up with. The list goes on and on and will continue to grow as time goes on.

But

My family has grown even closer together. We have always been a close nit family but now every moment we have all together is so special, even sacred in a way. My mom still has her long term memory and hopefully will for a long time. She is still with us. Even though she is fading slowly she is still there inside. I know it. No one can tell me that there isn’t anything after this life. I know that my family and I will all be reunited and can live together forever. We are a forever family and I will get my mom back one day. No one can take that knowledge for me. I Know it. I do not just believe I Know. I am so thankful for my parents and for the opportunity to be sealed to them for time and all eternity.

Life is

Hard. It really is, but that is how it is suppose to be. It isn’t supposed to be easy. Once we realize and come to a knowledge of that, it almost becomes “simple” in a way. Accepting that bad things happen to everyone and that they are for the better in the long run makes it “simple”. Life is not meant to be just lived, it is meant to be enjoyed. By accepting things and making the best of the situation without turning bitter and hard of heart will allow us to enjoy it. It will also help us to help others, to be open and willing to reach out to those around us and help them. Life is beautiful and great if you look, if you truly look, you will find the beauty and serenity of it. You will find the peace, the happiness and the joy we can all feel no matter the situation or circumstances. One of the best things about realizing this is by doing so we can help others come to the realization that life is good. By being there for others we can help them in their varying circumstances and help them to be happy like us.


Rise above the blues and others will follow.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Less than one week.

So after going through an almost two month long process work has finally approved the week they originally denied me. Work has turned out to be absolutely ridiculous when it comes to getting time off. Not just for me but for everyone. I will not bore you with the tedious and long process I went through.

So a week from today me and Nate will be off to go to Colorado. Most likely for just a day then Utah to see my family! I get to see my mom, dad, Jenni, Justin, Alice and hopefully Chris and Chad. I am beyond excited!

One thing that I have noticed is that I have a hard time being around my mom by myself. I'm not sure if it is just me or if others in my family have the same problem. It's mainly that I don't know what to say. She does not remember some things so I do not want to bring up something that she does not remember. I don't like reminding her of what is going wrong with her brain, if that makes sense. Also I think I do not like to be reminded of what is going on too. So I avoid talking to her to a certain extent. This is something I need to work through and fix.

It feels as though my mom has been partially taken away from me. I no longer cry about it and I haven't for a while but I still have not come to terms fully with it all. I may never since it is my mom and it will slowly get worse.

Yet still…

I do know it is happening for a reason. We are all supposed to learn something from this. That she is the same sweet spirit she just cannot shine through as much because her body is broken. I know that in the next life she will be the mom I remember and miss yet even more beautiful. I look forward to that day and know that this time on earth is a time of trial and testing. It is also a time of joy if we search for it and let it become apart of our lives.

I love my mom so much and am so thankful for her and my amazing family. I know one of the reasons that this is happening is so that my family can grow even closer. I am thankful for that. I am thankful for this trial.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Memories

My siblings and I are writing a book of memories of my mother. I wish I had more happy memories of us. Not that she was an unfit mother or anything like that. It's just that most of my memories are of her comforting me and helping me. Not that that is a bad thing in anyway I just wish we had more shoot the breeze happy memories. I am very thankful for all she did for me and that she was there to help and support me and help me in those times of need. I have no idea where I would be without her. I just realized that I need to explain my blog and give some background. Here goes nothing.

My mother was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer's about a year ago at the age of 53. It was April 2009 after a year of trying to figure out what was causing her memory loss. My title "Coping with Alzheimer's" is about me coping with my mother having it. The author name of "her daughter" is referring to me her daughter. I just really wanted a place to write. Plain and simple. I'm not sure what I want this blog to become exactly except for that.

Here are some shoot the breeze memories of her that I remember;

When I was probably three or four I remember laying on the couch eating plums with my mom. It was just her and I since all my other siblings were at school. I remember feeling so special laying there with her. It was like it was our little secret.

My mom has always been a lover of crafts. All my life, with each new season or major holiday my mom would spend hours on end putting crafts away and putting the new ones out. It was her love and passion. I remember in our old house in Utah all the Valentine crafts being out and covering the whole living room. That memory makes me very happy for some reason. So simple but it still brings a smile to my face.

Memories. How wonderful yet so fragile.